Let's ALL commit to taking a risk today...

In today's turbulent world it may seem strange that I am saying today it is more important then ever to take risks, but that is the idea I am proposing today. Whether the risk is talking to someone you normally wouldn't, going skydiving, joining an organization you normally wouldn't, taking your dream job or attending your first protest, do yourself a favor and make the leap. Taking risks will inevitably lead to new discoveries. These new discoveries may be about yourself or about the world around you. Maybe you will find out that the person you talk to loves to read your favorite author of enjoys playing PS4. You might see the most beautiful scenery you ever will jumping out of that plane. You may find your true passion by joining a community organization or taking that leap of faith to take your dream job. Whatever the risk you take and the result of it, it is a step towards growth. Growing yourself as a person. Growing closer as a community, and even hopefully growing our country - together. Without risks, we all become stagnate and subordinate to our routines. We forget the thrill of trying that new thing and the feel of the inherent rewards of doing so. Risk taking has been essential to this rebellious country of ours since the beginning. Centuries ago, our first ancestors took the risk of getting on those boats and crossing the ocean. Then our forefathers risked declaring our independence. Still more risked electing a controversial President Lincoln knowing what the result could be, and fought a civil war to unite our country under the stars and stripes. From the risk takers of the roaring-twenties, to the freedom fighters of the 1960's to those standing on the right side of history today, never bending to bullying even from the highest positions, every pertinent time in our long history leads back to people who were willing and even excited to take risks. To further extend my point, I feel that on the flip side the periods of the greatest unrest and oppression can be documented when the majority of the people are too scared to take even the smallest of risks. So go out there today, right now and take a risk, no matter how small it is, no matter what it is. Small risks will awaken in you that part of us all that needs encouragement AND engagement to grow. The will lead to bigger, better and more risks. The rewards will astound you and lead to a better life not just for you, but for us all.

No such thing as color blind...

OK, so, have always prided myself on being color blind. Oh I don't notice people's skin color I say witheringly. Well I used to. I would get enfuriated when people said that it was impossible not to notice people's skin color right away. As I got older, as I became a fighter for rights for my LGBTQ community I was forced to a realization. I do notice. They were all right. There is NO such thing as color blind. I, Heather Corinne Marlette, notice the color of people's skin. Am I...racist!?!?!?
Even longer then I have fought for rights for my own marginalized community, I have fought racism and bigotry. So this was heart breaking. So I sat and thought. And I realized something. It's not that I don't notice skin color, because as I have realized of course I do. But I can breathe easy because I ALSO realized that I am not a racist or a bigot for a very simple reason. When I realized this I asked myself if I notice skin color how can I not be racist and the simple answer is...I notice skin color and realize that the only thing it tells me about a person is LITERALLY the color of their skin. As in pigment. So I know a person has white, brown, black, red, purple, blue skin. I know nothing else and therefore I proceed  on with - get this - getting to know the person inside that pigmentation. Craziness I know. I realize that I must be stuck at age 7. I do not make a decision upon meeting people as to their entire life and personality simply because of what Crayola I would use to make my rocking stick figure portrait of them.
The color of skin doesn't tell me if the person underneath is gay or straight, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, spiritual, happy, sad, a football fan. It won't tell me if they like baseball or soccer, if they are a Republican, Democrat, Socialist, conservative, liberal or Libertarian. I don't know by how light or dark they are if they are a reader, do suduku, how they like to relax, if they can dance or if they wear contacts or have perfect vision. It won't tell me if they are kind or nasty, if they like cats, dogs, neither or what their favorite color is. How do extremeists look at some one, see their skin color and automatically know where that person falls on the subject of O.J.'s guilt? Am I just slow that indeed I need to hang out with a person to find out if we have enough in common to hang out and be friends? Skin color means nothing, but you can identify the musical I just broke into right? No? Oh you like plays, yeah I love Shakespeare too...you haven't lived until you hear me recite Puck's closing monologue. Not a theater person? That's sad. I will judge for that. I mean skin color is genetics but theater ignorance is a choice I can't get behind.
I am holding paint swatches up here to try and place your exact shade, but close as I get it still isn't telling me if you are a hipster, a nerd, a geek or an iPhone user. I mean, can you please tell me how skin color tells people if a person likes LOTR, plays D & D, gets inked at every opportunity or likes to go to the final frontier. Do they go to the hippest clubs all weekend? Do they have long debates on what the kids means in Empire and if George knew they were freaking siblings. Are you brave enough for Gryffindor, smart enough for Ravenclaw, loyal enough for Hufflepuff or sly enough for Slytherin? If I say goodbye with"May the odds be ever in your favor" are you going to get it...and books, movies or both? If I look at a  dog fight that ends in the participants licking wounds and sah still a.better live story then Twilight. I going to have to explain myself? Do you fight over Yankees vs. Redsox with your buddies, or is the fight more about DC vs. Marvel. PS I love me some wonderwoman but it's Marvel and if you don't like it get outta my multiverse.
I could go on for literal pages...but I think you get my point. So I want to change my tactic. I used to implore others to be colorblind. I get why you can't be, but please, if I can be honest about it we all can be. No colorblindness fine. Understand though...color is nothing but a finishing touch. It's the paint color that you have to look past to see if the structure of the house has good bones worth further investigation. The bones may not be for you, but don't judge it by what is on the outside. We are all such complex, multifaceted beings, why can't we all see that color ain't no thing, but if you want to fight it out over whether Coke is better than Pepsi, we can have a valid debate.
So if you made it to the end of this, please take me up on the challenge to try not to care about what crayon you have to use to depict a new person you were introduced to and actual get to know them. I promise you, people can surprise you in as good ways as we are seeing bad in the news of today's world. Let's all hang in there together , arms linked, hearts connected, and minds open to be blown.

Writers Block Rant

So I am doing better with dieting and exercising then writing...what????????? I am down 6 pounds since May 1. I am exercising at least 3 days a week, sticking to the diet and going strong. I am sucking out at writing. I can't focus. I have no clue what to write about. I sit down and can't get there. So I am keeping myself honest by updating the blog. I hope that it will jump start something. I am not sure what to do if it doesn't. How do you create when you can't get the creative juices to flow. I don't know. I may have to do a series of shark blogs again, history maybe. Something to get into the flow of it. I need to do something. So I am going to reflect on it. I am going to decide by Saturday at the latest what I am going to write about and stick to it. I need to get back into the frame of mind. Yes, writing is about being creative and inventing worlds and people and getting you to care. It is also about being disciplined, consistent and writing. No matter what. What you put onto paper doesn't necessarily have to be good. You may never show anyone 90% of what you write. That part of it is just about doing it. SO, I will be back soon, with an idea of a series of blogs, and hopefully another good update on the rest.

So It Begins

I am not going to give numbers, but I am going to be completely open and honest. My doctor really isn't giving me a choice anymore, and I have to lose weight. I know I need to. I want to. I want to be the best and healthiest me for my daughter and wife - but this is an area that I truly suck at. I simply am not good at sticking to it. I should be. I have pretty good self control. I can deny myself things I want if I know that they are bad for me, mentally or physically. So why do I suck at sticking to dieting and exercising. I don't know. The choice is over though. I can no longer suck at it so here it goes. Starting now, I have to turn over a new leaf. So here I am blogging about it. Because I hope that it helps. I need to stick to blogging and writing, because that is truly what makes me happy and what I want to do in life. I need to stick to dieting and exercising to see my daughter grow up. I suck at both even though doing both make me feel good, and why? I don't know. SO I am holding myself accountable. This is my first blog in my new leaf life. I am going to blog and write and enter competitions and be true to my dream of becoming a writer. I am going to diet and exercise to see my daughter grow up and be the awesome person I know she can be. It won't be elegant, but I am going to do it this time. I am writing this and declaring it to you. I will try to make it clear when I am blogging about my diet and exercise, or when I am blogging about something else to make it easy for people to follow whatever they want. Either way, its gonna be a bumpy ride - but hopefully successful, and always interesting.

Yes, I am Mom

In today's society it is normal for families to be made up of many different kind of mixes. No longer is this the world of racially ambiguous Dad, Mom, 2.5 kids, dog and white picket fence. This is the world of advancing melting pot families – at least on first look. Being a part of one of those families however is completely different then checking a box for diversity. I love my wife and my daughter more than life itself. There is no doubt in my mind that how we are a normal family is because they have made my life complete. I have never known happiness or the feeling of love that I have had in my life since we welcomed out daughter here. With it though is the undeniable sense of how the outside world views us, and more specifically me. I was there as any father would have been through the 3 trimesters of my wife’s pregnancy. I was there at the beginning of it all, through the IVF appointments, the psych-social we had to have to use donor sperm in NYS, the 2 insemination attempts to get a successful one. I waited with bated breath the first time when we found out she wasn’t pregnant. I was more upset then she was I think. At attempt number 2, when we knew there was a good chance and we made it to the blood test, I am not sure who checked the portal more that day. When it came back positive, I felt my whole life change as much as her. I was there for every appointment, every ultrasound, and when she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I was there for every endocrine appointment, every blood stick, and every insulin shot. I went on the diet with her and did all I could to support her and make it as easy for her as possible. I was there when she went in to get induced, and I held her hand and slept less than her for the 42 hours it took for our girl to come. I got to do skin to skin in the delivery room, held our baby when she was too dizzy to after labor, and pushed the bassinet over to post-partum right beside her wheelchair. My name is on the birth certificate as her parent. I stayed awake that first night so that my wife could rest but that when the nurse brought our girl back from her initial check-up, I could read off the numbers on my bracelet and we could have her in our room. Over the nine months of her pregnancy and the nine months that we have had our baby girl I have been her mother in every sense as much as my wife has. Yet I still get the questions. So – what is she going to call you? Why didn’t you carry? Are you going to carry the next one? What are you going to tell her about her dad? Why don’t you want one of your very own? Um, okay, personal much? She is going to call me mom because you know, I am her mom. I didn’t carry because I never wanted to…and in nope, not carrying the next one if we have another because still don’t want to. My wife and I have not fully decided on what we will tell her about the sperm donor…but let’s be careful applying the word dad to a dude who never wanted it and got paid for his donation. I do want one of my very own, and I already have her. Have had her for 9 months. Thanks though, oh and in some cases nice to meet you. I was completely unaware of how fast boundaries come down when 2 lesbians have a baby. What I have noticed is a complete lack of resources for people in my situation. There are some books that you can pay an obscene amount for, but this is still pretty unchartered territory. So I am hoping to help both myself and others by putting this out there. You aren’t alone, and you aren’t crazy. You are not the other mother. You are mom, your wife is mom, and you are a family. I am a first time mom trying to learn how to do that, so though I embrace it, also trying to educate people around me on LGBTQ familial rights will make for an interesting ride…so buckle up and let’s do it together.

And so, yeah - November

November. In this house it is known as the start of the busiest time of the year. Not necessarily the most wonderful time of the year as some songs that will soon begin to play ad nauseam would have you believe. No. It is the start of birthday season for us, as well as the build up to the holiday season, and the time of year where we are busy at work, busy personally, just busy at every turn. This is not good, it is not bad, it is simply true and very tiring some days.

It starts November 1st with my Mother-in-law's birthday, next November 2nd with our wedding anniversary, then the 3rd is my youngest nephew's birthday. November 5th is my birthday, November 11th is Amy's birthday, then we get a break until the 27th which is our eldest nephew's birthday, and sometimes, like this year, also Thanksgiving, sometimes Black Friday. The first 2 weeks that start the pace off are the craziest ones of the year for us, hands down. We go from birthday to anniversary to birthdays without a time to catch our breath. I have to say I am tired just thinking about it. In fact, today is November 2nd. It is our 2 year anniversary. Here I am blogging. Watching the Cowboys - Cardinals game, while Amy sits in the bed next to me reading the paper. Why? How is this romantic for our anniversary - well, I don't know about romantic. It however is lovely. I was in urgent care on Halloween getting breathing treatments for the asthma attack I had been having for 3 days. Amy was running around finishing up the errands for her mother's 60th birthday party that was yesterday, November 1st. We got through that, and we got through the party and now we know we have a month coming up that is going to push us to the very limits of our energy and our patience and so we choose to do this on our anniversary. It is okay. It is great. It is the true mark of marriage. 

We are no longer trying to impress or woo each other. I am not saying the romance is gone, I am simply saying we have been together for almost 10 years, lived together for almost 7, been married for 2. We do not need to gaze in each others eyes as we celebrate our 2nd year of marriage. We are supporting each other in our need for rest before we start the marathon of the next 2 months, as after the busy time of November, we have to jump on the holiday train that we are already sick of from the insistent commercials, that I have already seen today. On November 2nd. Before Thanksgiving. We have a saying in our family - you have to be Thankful before you can be Merry. I am considering sending this to all stores, PR Firms, Merchandisers, TV Execs, and everyone else who acts like the day after Halloween begins the start of Christmas, not just the start of the holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving...hope you got your Thanksgiving napkins in September or you are screwed. They are gone, off of the shelves to make way for Christmas. That is how we do it here. 

I am not a complete Scrooge. Well, maybe I am. Come on. There is an order of things. If you wait until at least  Black Friday to roll out your Christmas stuff is is really that bad. Will people all of the sudden forget that Christmas is coming. I mean every year. Same day. December 25th. It comes. We don't even have a moving holiday like Hanukkah. It was December 25th last year, the year before,  all the back to the first evidence of it being on the 25th of December in like 336 A.D. It became a federal holiday in 1870...on December 25th. I won't even get into the politics of it, I will save that for a different blog with many a disclaimer in the first paragraph that yes I am spiritual, no I not religious, and I am going to give my opinion of it controversially and if you don't want to get pissed, don't read. I will save that. But there is the beginning of what will be fair warning. All I am saying here is, I think if we held off the commercial, and carols. and crap, Christmas is safe to be on December 25th. I think we are good.

And so, yeah, November. Enjoy it people. It is a busy month for us, and for most I am sure, but here is a reminder that it is its own month. I feel lately it hasn't been November, it has been pre-December. December has 31 days to itself, how about we let November have its 30 days. Enjoy the peak of fall, enjoy Thanksgiving, in whatever way you celebrate it. If you live for Black Friday, get on with your bad self. I just hope that everyone can let November be November. 

My most recent moronic choice

So, you want to know what makes me feel really stupid lately? Deciding to do a healthy lifestyle change, including a work weight loss challenge during the best time of year to eat junk food. You name a Fall/Holiday treat, and I adore it. This is the best time of year (see my last blog) in so many ways to me, I can NOT believe I was stupid enough to agree to this. I mean, right now I am just having a weak moment, as I was grocery shopping today and all the Halloween candy was out. That was when I decided that it is totally official, and I am a moron. I mean, bite-sized snickers, 3-Musketeers, Milky Ways, Milky Way Midnight's, and generally any kind of candy you want to be bite-sized. Yeah, lets diet. That sounds like something intelligent people do doing their absolute favorite season of eating.
OH and lets not forget that though I do not sell, my job is working with Financial Services Professionals, and we run on a normal fiscal schedule. So it is also 4th quarter and the most stressful time of year for me professionally. So what can be smarter then me making a healthy lifestyle choice during this time. An OFFICE COMPETITION people. Yes, lets have multiple staff people hangry during a time when the most patient of us run to the end of out tethers, oh yeah that is just freaking rocket science thinking here people.
Best part - the competition is work...but with spouses. So Amy and I are dieting for the competition, and due to other aspects of our life - see http://amyandheatherhaveababy.blogspot.com/ - we are making many healthy lifestyle choices, and tensions, stress and all around crankiness is running high in the Marlette household. Always a great way to enter the busiest season of the year for us. Excellent.
You know what I am beginning to think I really need to take some classes in? SCHEDULING or you know, PLANNING AHEAD. Because to be honest with you, this is not new. This has always been, and will always be the busiest time of year for Amy and myself personally. Since I have no plans on going anywhere professionally anytime soon, as I love my job, my boss, my management team, my peers, my agents, my office, etc. etc., then this will also continue to be the busiest time of year for me professionally as well. So why did I think this was a good idea, I honestly can not tell you. I mean, I wanted to make the healthy lifestyle change, I thought the camaraderie of the work challenge would be good, and all of this continues to be true. Then, those snickers were staring me in the face today, and I gotta say, rethinking my decision.
Tomorrow is Halloween. I have managed to keep the candy out of my house, but I may break. The one saving grace I gotta say is Mother nature seems to be on my side here, as I am pretty deathly sick and have had no appetite since Monday. Sadly though, I am feeling better, and this means that I may have to break down. I do not know who invented these fun sized candies, but I do know that they are a little evil. I am hoping to beat the craving, but I am already of the mind set that I can work the calories off...so, we will see.
I hope you all have a great Halloween tomorrow. I do not care that I am 6 days away from being 32. I do not care that I am married, have a career, and am working on starting a family with my wife. Halloween will forever be my favorite holiday, and not just for the above stupidly addicting fun sized reasons, but because it is a day that, through the years, has become a day when it is okay for all of us to be kids. It is something that this overly stressed, way too serious society needs. It is okay to dress up, and have fun, and yes eat a bag of bite sized snickers. One day, I think we can handle it. I think everyone should partake in it, and throw seriousness and ambition to the wind for one day. Be a vampire (I am totally looking at you here Heather O'Bryan), be your favorite superhero. Dress up as a scarecrow, a zombie, or a Jedi (but remember, this is not a costume, it is simply a life style choice). Have fun with it, and if you do, you may just get a full sized candy as a reward, because for one day a year, we all can be kids with no worries. So I think that I may take the day off of my moronic choice, and get back to it on Saturday.