Yes, I am Mom

In today's society it is normal for families to be made up of many different kind of mixes. No longer is this the world of racially ambiguous Dad, Mom, 2.5 kids, dog and white picket fence. This is the world of advancing melting pot families – at least on first look. Being a part of one of those families however is completely different then checking a box for diversity. I love my wife and my daughter more than life itself. There is no doubt in my mind that how we are a normal family is because they have made my life complete. I have never known happiness or the feeling of love that I have had in my life since we welcomed out daughter here. With it though is the undeniable sense of how the outside world views us, and more specifically me. I was there as any father would have been through the 3 trimesters of my wife’s pregnancy. I was there at the beginning of it all, through the IVF appointments, the psych-social we had to have to use donor sperm in NYS, the 2 insemination attempts to get a successful one. I waited with bated breath the first time when we found out she wasn’t pregnant. I was more upset then she was I think. At attempt number 2, when we knew there was a good chance and we made it to the blood test, I am not sure who checked the portal more that day. When it came back positive, I felt my whole life change as much as her. I was there for every appointment, every ultrasound, and when she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I was there for every endocrine appointment, every blood stick, and every insulin shot. I went on the diet with her and did all I could to support her and make it as easy for her as possible. I was there when she went in to get induced, and I held her hand and slept less than her for the 42 hours it took for our girl to come. I got to do skin to skin in the delivery room, held our baby when she was too dizzy to after labor, and pushed the bassinet over to post-partum right beside her wheelchair. My name is on the birth certificate as her parent. I stayed awake that first night so that my wife could rest but that when the nurse brought our girl back from her initial check-up, I could read off the numbers on my bracelet and we could have her in our room. Over the nine months of her pregnancy and the nine months that we have had our baby girl I have been her mother in every sense as much as my wife has. Yet I still get the questions. So – what is she going to call you? Why didn’t you carry? Are you going to carry the next one? What are you going to tell her about her dad? Why don’t you want one of your very own? Um, okay, personal much? She is going to call me mom because you know, I am her mom. I didn’t carry because I never wanted to…and in nope, not carrying the next one if we have another because still don’t want to. My wife and I have not fully decided on what we will tell her about the sperm donor…but let’s be careful applying the word dad to a dude who never wanted it and got paid for his donation. I do want one of my very own, and I already have her. Have had her for 9 months. Thanks though, oh and in some cases nice to meet you. I was completely unaware of how fast boundaries come down when 2 lesbians have a baby. What I have noticed is a complete lack of resources for people in my situation. There are some books that you can pay an obscene amount for, but this is still pretty unchartered territory. So I am hoping to help both myself and others by putting this out there. You aren’t alone, and you aren’t crazy. You are not the other mother. You are mom, your wife is mom, and you are a family. I am a first time mom trying to learn how to do that, so though I embrace it, also trying to educate people around me on LGBTQ familial rights will make for an interesting ride…so buckle up and let’s do it together.