And so, yeah - November

November. In this house it is known as the start of the busiest time of the year. Not necessarily the most wonderful time of the year as some songs that will soon begin to play ad nauseam would have you believe. No. It is the start of birthday season for us, as well as the build up to the holiday season, and the time of year where we are busy at work, busy personally, just busy at every turn. This is not good, it is not bad, it is simply true and very tiring some days.

It starts November 1st with my Mother-in-law's birthday, next November 2nd with our wedding anniversary, then the 3rd is my youngest nephew's birthday. November 5th is my birthday, November 11th is Amy's birthday, then we get a break until the 27th which is our eldest nephew's birthday, and sometimes, like this year, also Thanksgiving, sometimes Black Friday. The first 2 weeks that start the pace off are the craziest ones of the year for us, hands down. We go from birthday to anniversary to birthdays without a time to catch our breath. I have to say I am tired just thinking about it. In fact, today is November 2nd. It is our 2 year anniversary. Here I am blogging. Watching the Cowboys - Cardinals game, while Amy sits in the bed next to me reading the paper. Why? How is this romantic for our anniversary - well, I don't know about romantic. It however is lovely. I was in urgent care on Halloween getting breathing treatments for the asthma attack I had been having for 3 days. Amy was running around finishing up the errands for her mother's 60th birthday party that was yesterday, November 1st. We got through that, and we got through the party and now we know we have a month coming up that is going to push us to the very limits of our energy and our patience and so we choose to do this on our anniversary. It is okay. It is great. It is the true mark of marriage. 

We are no longer trying to impress or woo each other. I am not saying the romance is gone, I am simply saying we have been together for almost 10 years, lived together for almost 7, been married for 2. We do not need to gaze in each others eyes as we celebrate our 2nd year of marriage. We are supporting each other in our need for rest before we start the marathon of the next 2 months, as after the busy time of November, we have to jump on the holiday train that we are already sick of from the insistent commercials, that I have already seen today. On November 2nd. Before Thanksgiving. We have a saying in our family - you have to be Thankful before you can be Merry. I am considering sending this to all stores, PR Firms, Merchandisers, TV Execs, and everyone else who acts like the day after Halloween begins the start of Christmas, not just the start of the holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving...hope you got your Thanksgiving napkins in September or you are screwed. They are gone, off of the shelves to make way for Christmas. That is how we do it here. 

I am not a complete Scrooge. Well, maybe I am. Come on. There is an order of things. If you wait until at least  Black Friday to roll out your Christmas stuff is is really that bad. Will people all of the sudden forget that Christmas is coming. I mean every year. Same day. December 25th. It comes. We don't even have a moving holiday like Hanukkah. It was December 25th last year, the year before,  all the back to the first evidence of it being on the 25th of December in like 336 A.D. It became a federal holiday in 1870...on December 25th. I won't even get into the politics of it, I will save that for a different blog with many a disclaimer in the first paragraph that yes I am spiritual, no I not religious, and I am going to give my opinion of it controversially and if you don't want to get pissed, don't read. I will save that. But there is the beginning of what will be fair warning. All I am saying here is, I think if we held off the commercial, and carols. and crap, Christmas is safe to be on December 25th. I think we are good.

And so, yeah, November. Enjoy it people. It is a busy month for us, and for most I am sure, but here is a reminder that it is its own month. I feel lately it hasn't been November, it has been pre-December. December has 31 days to itself, how about we let November have its 30 days. Enjoy the peak of fall, enjoy Thanksgiving, in whatever way you celebrate it. If you live for Black Friday, get on with your bad self. I just hope that everyone can let November be November. 

TAKE HEED FROM THE CLOWNS

So those of you who know me, may know that I often have some rants, or as my wife calls them “nutties” or “Heather Moments.” Thanks babe. I CANNOT sit idly by however, as I have read ANOTHER article about what I refer to as clear signs that the Clownpocalypse  is steaming toward us full steam ahead.

For those of you who do not know me very well, I must let you know that I love most things horror or Halloween. Friday the 13^th and Jason, sure. Jeepers Creepers, psycho killers, crazy animals, evil babies…I love it. Michael Myers – he scares the hell out of me, but BRING IT…love it…rush like no other. There are 2 things however, that are clearly signs of pure evil, and are not entertainment pieces, but just tools of the Devil. Snakes and Clowns. So, obviously the first time I read the article about the person who was dressing up like a poor man’s Pennywise in Northampton, England I had one of the above noted nutty’s. I in fact had an epic nutty that I didn’t even keep in the sanctity of marriage, but shared with Facebook, as this is clearly a sign that the clowns are making their move.

Stephen King is in my very humble opinion, nothing short of a literary genius. He takes a lot of heat I know (only a little pun intended) mainly because some HATERS feel that he lacks closing skills. I have read many of his books, and am still working my way through his vast collection of contributions to the literary world, but I have seen no problems with his closings. I feel if you are let down by the closing, you should readdress, because he generally words things in a way that can keep a seed planted. As for the movie adaptations for his books, well….jury is out on most of them.  At dozens upon dozens, King has had more novels adapted into movies than any other  living author, and to be honest, I would have to research if any dead penners have him beat. I have seen A LOT of the movies, but not all. From the “horror” adaptations, I usually come away let down. This is for a simple reason – I am a snob in this aspect of life.  Let me explain…

Did I have to cover my eyes during the body scene in Stand by Me – you bet, for YEARS. Did Cujo make me cringe – for the parts of it where I wasn’t incredibly bored, yuppers.  I empathized and hated Carrie,  felt the pangs of loss and desperation in Pet Semetary and even I knew how good Kathy Bates could play crazy by the end of Misery. When it comes to King’s horror novels though, a HUGE part of me wants Hollywood to leave them alone. Kubrick is a genius, but his version of The Shining was so far from the story, that King himself redid it in a miniseries. On its own, great movie. Read the book and you were like, that was not an adaptation, that was really only kind of a based on. This truly ruins it. You don’t see the hedges shifting and changing, scaring Danny and encouraging Jack. You don’t see the snowmobile rushing towards freedom. I could smell the fire and hear the explosion better from King’s words then any movie has ever painted them for me, and the reason is simple. The man, love him or hate him, paints a picture with words better than anyone ever has, or quite frankly ever will.

As for the adaptations of his other works – yes, let it be known far and wide, the man can write, not just horror, but I do believe EVERY genre.  The ones that truly pop into my head are The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption. I mean. If you haven’t seen these movies, I do not know what you are waiting for. Go. NOW. I will wait. I mean, not literally, these are King adaptations, that is like a day’s worth of viewing there my friends. Seriously though, go. Now. These movies are fantastic. They have casts to die for, scripts of gold and are some of the best cinematic contributions of our generation. You may have your own opinion here. If it isn’t this though, it is probably wrong. If you haven’t READ these works, I mean, why not? These and The Stand, I mean, time commitment definitely. Worth it – every single milli-second. Every one.

There is one King book though that is my nemesis. It is adapted into a movie. I have seen parts of the movie. When I was young. Real young. This is when I knew what true terror is my friends. TRUE TERROR. Yup, that is right – It. When I was young, I walked into a room, the movie was playing. I thought oh, clown. Ha. Yeah. Deranged, fanged, killer clown. The clown horrifically killed a kid and this girl was done. To this day, I don’t walk over sewer drains, I don’t take balloons from strangers and I realize that Laurie Notaro is not only the Queen of idiot girls and one of the funniest people alive, but a genius. She has alerted people to the Clown Network. Taking heart in her bravery, I must alert people to the truth. The Zombie Apocalypse is a lie. The Clownpocalypse  is where the truth is. You can sever the brainstem from the zombie or get a direct head shot, beat its head with a baseball bat, you can beat it. YOU CAN’T BEAT CLOWNS. They have advanced levels of special relations. There is no defense. You are still trying to figure out how they got 8 of themselves in a VW Bug, and more are coming. You are automatically outnumbered. There is no defense against pies in the face. I mean, you can’t win.

This leads me to my initial point, and if you have hung in for this crazy ride (Kristen, really, it’s just you) I have to tell you the crazy that is happening. Poorman Pennywise is no longer just in Northampton people. Poorman Pennywise clowns were spotted in March in Staten Island. This was supposedly linked back to publicity stunts, but this is the same network that brought us the Zombie Apocalypse craze and balloon animals. They are crafty, they are experts at concealing their identities and anyone who can wear those shoes and do physical comedy can only be dangerous when cornered. This is a terrifying course of events. I hope that you are all prepared and that everyone takes heed. Don’t smell their flowers, don’t smile at their falls, don’t clap when they throw pies and if they offer you balloons, whether regular or in animal forms, don’t think, don’t pause, just run.

Because as I have told my wife, if a clown comes at you vows mean nothing. That my friends is an every person for themselves situation, and I will sacrifice you to save myself. I have a strong survival instinct people, and if you cover your face with white paint, give yourself a large unrelenting smile and hit yourself with a mallet to make me laugh, in my mind the alert level goes to red, and I punch first, napalm second and shrug when I get in trouble. Be warned clowns, Heather don’t play that game.

My Sochi Rant - Sorry, Will try to make it be the only one...

"Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice."  ~Master Yoda, Episode V Emipre Strikes Back

So, I do try not to be too political or preachy on here – but at the end of the day, as my lovely wife will point out when my rants become slightly too intense, that is what this is for. So, like any good slightly too sure that my beliefs are the right ones person, I will rant here – but I do apologize in advance.

Look, I am not trying to reinvent the wheel here. I get that the XXII Winter Games are underway in Sochi, and I do get that no matter how much I yelled and screamed, they were never going to not be there. That is not the way life works, and blahity blah blah blah I know, I get it, I hear you, I acknowledge the logical and exact arguments and facts. With the disclaimer out of the way –

What the hell. Seriously….SERIOUSLY? How exactly did that decision happen? Flashback to 119^th IOC Session – July 2007 – Guatemala City: Um, I dunno. Let’s not give it to someone who has had it dude, that is so last century…Well man, I don’t know. We need to decide because there are 13 fun zones in Guatemala City I want to explore…Well, does it matter, just pull a name out of a hat…But we want it to seem more important than that…So who are the surviving bids again? UMMMMMM – I dunno, bubba you want to check that out for us?...Oh um, Sochi, Russia; Pyeongchang, South Korea or Salzburg, Austria – And here I interject not a what the hell but a WTF – did you get the bids from your asses, but hey what do I know, I excelled at English and History in school, not political sway and geography, so back to the decision making process – Well, we have to knock it down to two before we can go sight see, so let’s vote. Okay, by overwhelming numbers, Salzburg, Austria is OUTSKI. Yeah, it is a HUGE gem of culture and history. It is even know and has been voted as one of the best-preserved cities. It is FREAKING gorgeous, and gave us Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, not to mention was some of the set for “The Sound of Music.” – Another side note, Original Sound of Music here people, don’t talk to me about any LIVE Carrie Underwood Version – However, Salzburg is just, I dunno, too boring. They will most likely be able to handle the different cultures and beliefs that come with having athletes from ALL OVER THE FREAKING WORLD there for 2 weeks – they are a huge tourist city, no, no, no. They are way too capable. DUDE I KNOW – Russia, they seem like they are totally caught up and over dissolving the USSR and losing the Cold War. Lets reward their often 18^th century mindsets, and the fact that they still think that every poor decision they have ever made as a nation is just damn liberal westerners misinterpreting their close minded and hateful views with international attention – totally where the 2014 Olympics are! Pass the blunt, because we must obviously be very, VERY high.

Then, Putin took office (for an unprecedented and possibly illegal 3^rd longer term) in 2012. He went from officer in the freaking KGB to politician. He took over when Yeltsin resigned in 1999, and became President in 2000, holding the position for 2 consecutive 4 year terms. In 2008, he was made Prime Minister and in 2011, under a new law extending the Presidency to 6 years, he ran again – though there were protests, he won in 2012 and will be in power until 2018. Though many feel that Putin has done many good things domestically (especially financially) for Russia, he has been plagued with scandal since 2000 with the Kursk submarine incident, to allegations of fraud, to the 2002 Moscow theater hostage incident to the Beslan school hostage crisis – hmm, many hostage incidents I see – to being marked by most outside countries and organizations as decidedly undemocratic and very dictator like. With his new term, Putin has made strict anti-LGBTQA laws, faced many protests and shown an alarming alliance between the Kremlin and the Russian Orthodox Church – an unseen alliance level since the days of Russian communism.

Oh and lets please not forget that currently, Russia’s relationship with America is at an all time low since the F***ING COLD WAR. For the first time since 1960, the US pulled out of a summit in response to Russia granting asylum to Edward Snowden. The US feels Russian is guarding nations that are controlled by terrorists or anti-American governments – Syria, Iran, Cuba…and Russia proudly “protects” them from US interference. When Putin and the Russian government confirmed that their new anti-homosexual “propaganda” (really just anti-gay) laws would in fact be in effect for the Olympics, and that they would in fact apply to all domestic and foreign athletes, media and tourists, they seemed to be upset that us damn western nations had an issue with their internal issues – because we like you know not just LGBTQA rights so much as BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS FOR ALL – and seemed to react like a toddler who was just told that you cannot in fact go through life stomping your feet and inconveniencing all around you because you don’t like it. Also, let’s give a hand for the IOC and the way they reacted…that they will completely support Russia in this and will punish any athletes that politically act out against these anti-gay laws, as that is not what the Olympics is about.

Um. What.

So the athletes can’t be political but can be subject to another countries unjust law. Um Okay. Well you live in the land of the oblivious, say hi to Santa, and let me know how Elvis is at his next live concert. Morons.

This is where the IOC is sending the 2014 Winter Olympic Athletes. Excellent. Hey, for the summer Olympics can we just forego the ceremony and give them all guns and say ready SHOOT. Come on. Nothing may happen. I get that. There may not be one violent incident. I will say though that a non incident is not a victory here. I can honestly say that anyone who had to make the choice between not competing in the Olympics – a possibly once in a life time experience – or going and competing in Sochi will not feel that a non incident was a victory.  There are LGBTQ athletes that had to make hard choices, there are LGBTQ allies that had to weigh a decision that never should have been forced upon them. Well done IOC – way to not politicize the games – wait, I forgot, the host city can apparently politicize the games; by not listening to concerns from other countries and participating athletes, by siding with the host country the IOC can politicize the games; by making the choice to support the host city or not the tourists can politicize the games – the only people the IOC can and as they say will punish for politicizing the games are the athletes. The people who are the reason that the IOC have a freaking position at all. The people why tourists go to host cities. The athletes. So to what I am sure will be very few if any athletes that make that stand, you amaze me. You win a medal or not you are the champions to me. I stand next to you on the podium with my metaphorical fist raised as well, as if we were Tommie Smith and John Carlos in the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City. To the athletes who just go and perform and live out their lifelong dream – I salute you too. I support every athlete who puts it all out there on their respective course, whether it is snow, ice or anything. I wish you all the luck, I hope you all perform how you want to and I pray to all that I hold as holy (so, Joss Whedon, Star Wars, George Lucas, TBBT, paging Dr. Sheldon Cooper) that every single athlete returns home safely, and whether a medal holder or not, with the knowledge that they are an Olympian and that is a selective and awesome club to be in.

So yeah. That is my rant. Will I boycott the Olympics – to be honest I don’t know. I will boycott a good portion of them, but again, my theory is similar to the one I have always held on the “War on Terrorism.” I don’t support the invasion of countries for nonexistent WMD. I do not support the war. But I damn well support the troops. I do NOT, and I cannot stress it enough NOT, support Russia. I think Putin and his Kremlin gremlins, and his alliance with the Orthodox Church are our generations Hitler and the Third Reich. I think this is mimicking 1936 in so many ways I want to hit people over the head with their history books. I think that the IOC is full of political, spineless morons. I feel that not enough people will speak out or step up. I do however support the athletes. Every single one of them. So a full on boycott, I don’t know. Even if I watch, I will not watch silently. I will step up and protest the only way a person on a different continent who is a no body can. I will blog. I will talk. I will be the little activist I have learned to be in my 31 years on this earth. I will do so with the arrogance and security only a lifelong American can. And I will be proud, every time I do. Because I will not sit silently by. I will shout every time you come for someone else – I will be the one there to shout you down every time. I may not be able to change the world myself but I sure as hell will not silently let it pass. So to my friends and family and whatever poor slobs got sucked into this train wreck of a rant and couldn’t get away – I support whatever opinion you have on boycotting or not. Don’t worry – I will be here to tell you what I think for those of you who care. And for those who don’t.

A GREAT NIGHT OUT FOR ONE OF THE OLDEST PRIDE CENTERS IN AMERICA

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

                So, sometimes you get a reward for giving back. I am a facilitator for the Pride Center of the Capital Region’s Youth Groups in Albany and Schenectady counties. Trust me; this gig is easier than it sounds, because these are good kids. It is great to see these kids, who may have no support other then within those walls during the hours of Youth Group thrive in an environment they feel safe in and that they have found family in. I honestly do not need a reward other than this, and look forward to the day when we succeed in expanding our groups to more counties and helping more LGBTQA youths out. You do get some though, and Saturday August 10, 2013 I got to attend a special Gala for the Pride Center, with a Dame Edna Performance…and it was fabulous, darlings – or should I say possums…

                A quick background – Dame Edna is of course the famous creation of Barry Humphries, who is an Australian comedian/performer. He started her simply as Edna Everage, an Australian housewife who he used to comment on the Australian Suburban life. She got more outrageous as performances grew throughout the decades, to the current well-known, oft recognized lilac haired, cat shaped glasses, outrageous dresser known today. She also got elevated to Dame Status. Humphries still performs as her (though he said he would retire her in 2012, and is still going). There are many imitations, but he will always be the original!

                I got to see a performance by a great Dame Edna performer who has not only gotten the blessing to perform her from Humphries, but performed with Humphries at a special tribute to him for his birthday back in 2010 – Celebrity Impersonator Michael L. Walters. He and Humphries share another tie – Humphries provided the voice of Bruce the Shark in Finding Nemo and Walters originated that character in the live performance at Disney World. Walters has been performing as the Dame since 2001, and has traveled much of North America with his spot on and delightful impersonation.

                The performance took place at The Mansion Inn Bed & Breakfast just outside of Saratoga Springs, NY, where Mr. Walters returned for the third consecutive year this year by popular demand. One of the nights was dedicated to the Pride Center, as I said above and it was a great night. To be able to enjoy a night out with the people who like me work with the Pride Center in either a professional or volunteer role was great. All the money earned was for the Pride Center, and it was a wonderful experience all the way around. As we go through this contentious time in ours and other societies LGBTQ communities world over, to see the people who strive to protect, lobby and educate us having a good time and enjoying each other’s company, that was priceless. Thank you to everyone, to the Pride Center’s staff, to the Mansion Inn and their staff and of course to Mr. Walters and his partner. I hope that as we all continue on with the fight for equal rights for all, the laughter we shared on an unusually chilly night in August will keep us smiling in the hard times as well as the good.