And so, yeah - November

November. In this house it is known as the start of the busiest time of the year. Not necessarily the most wonderful time of the year as some songs that will soon begin to play ad nauseam would have you believe. No. It is the start of birthday season for us, as well as the build up to the holiday season, and the time of year where we are busy at work, busy personally, just busy at every turn. This is not good, it is not bad, it is simply true and very tiring some days.

It starts November 1st with my Mother-in-law's birthday, next November 2nd with our wedding anniversary, then the 3rd is my youngest nephew's birthday. November 5th is my birthday, November 11th is Amy's birthday, then we get a break until the 27th which is our eldest nephew's birthday, and sometimes, like this year, also Thanksgiving, sometimes Black Friday. The first 2 weeks that start the pace off are the craziest ones of the year for us, hands down. We go from birthday to anniversary to birthdays without a time to catch our breath. I have to say I am tired just thinking about it. In fact, today is November 2nd. It is our 2 year anniversary. Here I am blogging. Watching the Cowboys - Cardinals game, while Amy sits in the bed next to me reading the paper. Why? How is this romantic for our anniversary - well, I don't know about romantic. It however is lovely. I was in urgent care on Halloween getting breathing treatments for the asthma attack I had been having for 3 days. Amy was running around finishing up the errands for her mother's 60th birthday party that was yesterday, November 1st. We got through that, and we got through the party and now we know we have a month coming up that is going to push us to the very limits of our energy and our patience and so we choose to do this on our anniversary. It is okay. It is great. It is the true mark of marriage. 

We are no longer trying to impress or woo each other. I am not saying the romance is gone, I am simply saying we have been together for almost 10 years, lived together for almost 7, been married for 2. We do not need to gaze in each others eyes as we celebrate our 2nd year of marriage. We are supporting each other in our need for rest before we start the marathon of the next 2 months, as after the busy time of November, we have to jump on the holiday train that we are already sick of from the insistent commercials, that I have already seen today. On November 2nd. Before Thanksgiving. We have a saying in our family - you have to be Thankful before you can be Merry. I am considering sending this to all stores, PR Firms, Merchandisers, TV Execs, and everyone else who acts like the day after Halloween begins the start of Christmas, not just the start of the holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving...hope you got your Thanksgiving napkins in September or you are screwed. They are gone, off of the shelves to make way for Christmas. That is how we do it here. 

I am not a complete Scrooge. Well, maybe I am. Come on. There is an order of things. If you wait until at least  Black Friday to roll out your Christmas stuff is is really that bad. Will people all of the sudden forget that Christmas is coming. I mean every year. Same day. December 25th. It comes. We don't even have a moving holiday like Hanukkah. It was December 25th last year, the year before,  all the back to the first evidence of it being on the 25th of December in like 336 A.D. It became a federal holiday in 1870...on December 25th. I won't even get into the politics of it, I will save that for a different blog with many a disclaimer in the first paragraph that yes I am spiritual, no I not religious, and I am going to give my opinion of it controversially and if you don't want to get pissed, don't read. I will save that. But there is the beginning of what will be fair warning. All I am saying here is, I think if we held off the commercial, and carols. and crap, Christmas is safe to be on December 25th. I think we are good.

And so, yeah, November. Enjoy it people. It is a busy month for us, and for most I am sure, but here is a reminder that it is its own month. I feel lately it hasn't been November, it has been pre-December. December has 31 days to itself, how about we let November have its 30 days. Enjoy the peak of fall, enjoy Thanksgiving, in whatever way you celebrate it. If you live for Black Friday, get on with your bad self. I just hope that everyone can let November be November. 

My most recent moronic choice

So, you want to know what makes me feel really stupid lately? Deciding to do a healthy lifestyle change, including a work weight loss challenge during the best time of year to eat junk food. You name a Fall/Holiday treat, and I adore it. This is the best time of year (see my last blog) in so many ways to me, I can NOT believe I was stupid enough to agree to this. I mean, right now I am just having a weak moment, as I was grocery shopping today and all the Halloween candy was out. That was when I decided that it is totally official, and I am a moron. I mean, bite-sized snickers, 3-Musketeers, Milky Ways, Milky Way Midnight's, and generally any kind of candy you want to be bite-sized. Yeah, lets diet. That sounds like something intelligent people do doing their absolute favorite season of eating.
OH and lets not forget that though I do not sell, my job is working with Financial Services Professionals, and we run on a normal fiscal schedule. So it is also 4th quarter and the most stressful time of year for me professionally. So what can be smarter then me making a healthy lifestyle choice during this time. An OFFICE COMPETITION people. Yes, lets have multiple staff people hangry during a time when the most patient of us run to the end of out tethers, oh yeah that is just freaking rocket science thinking here people.
Best part - the competition is work...but with spouses. So Amy and I are dieting for the competition, and due to other aspects of our life - see http://amyandheatherhaveababy.blogspot.com/ - we are making many healthy lifestyle choices, and tensions, stress and all around crankiness is running high in the Marlette household. Always a great way to enter the busiest season of the year for us. Excellent.
You know what I am beginning to think I really need to take some classes in? SCHEDULING or you know, PLANNING AHEAD. Because to be honest with you, this is not new. This has always been, and will always be the busiest time of year for Amy and myself personally. Since I have no plans on going anywhere professionally anytime soon, as I love my job, my boss, my management team, my peers, my agents, my office, etc. etc., then this will also continue to be the busiest time of year for me professionally as well. So why did I think this was a good idea, I honestly can not tell you. I mean, I wanted to make the healthy lifestyle change, I thought the camaraderie of the work challenge would be good, and all of this continues to be true. Then, those snickers were staring me in the face today, and I gotta say, rethinking my decision.
Tomorrow is Halloween. I have managed to keep the candy out of my house, but I may break. The one saving grace I gotta say is Mother nature seems to be on my side here, as I am pretty deathly sick and have had no appetite since Monday. Sadly though, I am feeling better, and this means that I may have to break down. I do not know who invented these fun sized candies, but I do know that they are a little evil. I am hoping to beat the craving, but I am already of the mind set that I can work the calories off...so, we will see.
I hope you all have a great Halloween tomorrow. I do not care that I am 6 days away from being 32. I do not care that I am married, have a career, and am working on starting a family with my wife. Halloween will forever be my favorite holiday, and not just for the above stupidly addicting fun sized reasons, but because it is a day that, through the years, has become a day when it is okay for all of us to be kids. It is something that this overly stressed, way too serious society needs. It is okay to dress up, and have fun, and yes eat a bag of bite sized snickers. One day, I think we can handle it. I think everyone should partake in it, and throw seriousness and ambition to the wind for one day. Be a vampire (I am totally looking at you here Heather O'Bryan), be your favorite superhero. Dress up as a scarecrow, a zombie, or a Jedi (but remember, this is not a costume, it is simply a life style choice). Have fun with it, and if you do, you may just get a full sized candy as a reward, because for one day a year, we all can be kids with no worries. So I think that I may take the day off of my moronic choice, and get back to it on Saturday.

The Best Season

I am so happy Fall is here. This is my favorite season of the year. Which in a way, proves I am a glutton for punishment since in many ways, Fall is the worst season for my body. My bad ankle swells up with the weather, and my arthritis acts up with it. The leaves kill my allergies, and it is the only season where I really have an issue with asthma. None of that matters though, not to me. It is fine with me, great with me. Because it is fall. It is the time of year that makes living in Up State NY worth everything that may at other times annoy me. It is the time of year when Halloween reigns supreme, and adrenaline junkies like me can get quick fixes anywhere at anytime.
I am not sure why, but this time of year is just when it all clicks. There is nothing better than driving down the same roads you always do, but it looking different then usual because of changing leaves, falling leaves, decorations and the start of people winterizing. There is nothing like that first glimpse of the leaves changing to let you know that the Fall is coming, and the breathtaking views of rows of trees up the mountain as you drive on I-88 can not be replaced with anything. I love a nice view of the ocean, I think that lighthouses are lovely to look at, and a gorgeous sunset is nothing to poo-poo. Anyone who has ever seen a mountain full of trees at peak season however knows what a masterpiece nature can paint though, and that is something that is not replaced. My favorite part is the smell. Since smell is the strongest sense in regards to memory, I think that this is why Fall remains my favorite holiday to this day.
To me, nothing smells as good as Fall. I know, this may be a crazy statement even for me, but hear me out. Fall has its own scent. When the leaves are changing, the days are briskly cold, you can step outside and inhale the season. Not the secondary smells which are also wonderful - like pumpkin, smoke from bonfires, general baking to help warm up the house. No, you can smell the leaves, and the moisture, you can smell the change in the grass and the hay that is around. All of it together, that is Fall.
Once you take that deep breath and smell it, you know what else is coming. I know that there is a spattering of things that will make the months leading up to winter AWESOME. It is of course the heart of Football season, and for those who like it, Pumpkin Flavoring is back. There are leaves falling and you break out the more muted colors of blues, oranges, reds for the Fall. Of course though, there is Halloween. There are haunted mazes, hayrides and houses. There is an uptick in people who want to try their hand at being brave, and others who want to be scared, or better yet do the scaring. There are horrible written, directed and acted movies for every horror you can imagine on SyFy, and the cheesey kid friendly ones on ABC's 13 nights of Halloween.
I can't imaging anything else in Fall. I love the fact that Up State NY embraces Fall, with apple picking, all the haunted attractions, and all the urban legends. I am so happy that we have seasons, and that Fall is our most distinctive one. I think I want to do some Fall season blogs, but first, I just want to share the joy that it is here. So all, breath in deep and enjoy.

TAKE HEED FROM THE CLOWNS

So those of you who know me, may know that I often have some rants, or as my wife calls them “nutties” or “Heather Moments.” Thanks babe. I CANNOT sit idly by however, as I have read ANOTHER article about what I refer to as clear signs that the Clownpocalypse  is steaming toward us full steam ahead.

For those of you who do not know me very well, I must let you know that I love most things horror or Halloween. Friday the 13^th and Jason, sure. Jeepers Creepers, psycho killers, crazy animals, evil babies…I love it. Michael Myers – he scares the hell out of me, but BRING IT…love it…rush like no other. There are 2 things however, that are clearly signs of pure evil, and are not entertainment pieces, but just tools of the Devil. Snakes and Clowns. So, obviously the first time I read the article about the person who was dressing up like a poor man’s Pennywise in Northampton, England I had one of the above noted nutty’s. I in fact had an epic nutty that I didn’t even keep in the sanctity of marriage, but shared with Facebook, as this is clearly a sign that the clowns are making their move.

Stephen King is in my very humble opinion, nothing short of a literary genius. He takes a lot of heat I know (only a little pun intended) mainly because some HATERS feel that he lacks closing skills. I have read many of his books, and am still working my way through his vast collection of contributions to the literary world, but I have seen no problems with his closings. I feel if you are let down by the closing, you should readdress, because he generally words things in a way that can keep a seed planted. As for the movie adaptations for his books, well….jury is out on most of them.  At dozens upon dozens, King has had more novels adapted into movies than any other  living author, and to be honest, I would have to research if any dead penners have him beat. I have seen A LOT of the movies, but not all. From the “horror” adaptations, I usually come away let down. This is for a simple reason – I am a snob in this aspect of life.  Let me explain…

Did I have to cover my eyes during the body scene in Stand by Me – you bet, for YEARS. Did Cujo make me cringe – for the parts of it where I wasn’t incredibly bored, yuppers.  I empathized and hated Carrie,  felt the pangs of loss and desperation in Pet Semetary and even I knew how good Kathy Bates could play crazy by the end of Misery. When it comes to King’s horror novels though, a HUGE part of me wants Hollywood to leave them alone. Kubrick is a genius, but his version of The Shining was so far from the story, that King himself redid it in a miniseries. On its own, great movie. Read the book and you were like, that was not an adaptation, that was really only kind of a based on. This truly ruins it. You don’t see the hedges shifting and changing, scaring Danny and encouraging Jack. You don’t see the snowmobile rushing towards freedom. I could smell the fire and hear the explosion better from King’s words then any movie has ever painted them for me, and the reason is simple. The man, love him or hate him, paints a picture with words better than anyone ever has, or quite frankly ever will.

As for the adaptations of his other works – yes, let it be known far and wide, the man can write, not just horror, but I do believe EVERY genre.  The ones that truly pop into my head are The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption. I mean. If you haven’t seen these movies, I do not know what you are waiting for. Go. NOW. I will wait. I mean, not literally, these are King adaptations, that is like a day’s worth of viewing there my friends. Seriously though, go. Now. These movies are fantastic. They have casts to die for, scripts of gold and are some of the best cinematic contributions of our generation. You may have your own opinion here. If it isn’t this though, it is probably wrong. If you haven’t READ these works, I mean, why not? These and The Stand, I mean, time commitment definitely. Worth it – every single milli-second. Every one.

There is one King book though that is my nemesis. It is adapted into a movie. I have seen parts of the movie. When I was young. Real young. This is when I knew what true terror is my friends. TRUE TERROR. Yup, that is right – It. When I was young, I walked into a room, the movie was playing. I thought oh, clown. Ha. Yeah. Deranged, fanged, killer clown. The clown horrifically killed a kid and this girl was done. To this day, I don’t walk over sewer drains, I don’t take balloons from strangers and I realize that Laurie Notaro is not only the Queen of idiot girls and one of the funniest people alive, but a genius. She has alerted people to the Clown Network. Taking heart in her bravery, I must alert people to the truth. The Zombie Apocalypse is a lie. The Clownpocalypse  is where the truth is. You can sever the brainstem from the zombie or get a direct head shot, beat its head with a baseball bat, you can beat it. YOU CAN’T BEAT CLOWNS. They have advanced levels of special relations. There is no defense. You are still trying to figure out how they got 8 of themselves in a VW Bug, and more are coming. You are automatically outnumbered. There is no defense against pies in the face. I mean, you can’t win.

This leads me to my initial point, and if you have hung in for this crazy ride (Kristen, really, it’s just you) I have to tell you the crazy that is happening. Poorman Pennywise is no longer just in Northampton people. Poorman Pennywise clowns were spotted in March in Staten Island. This was supposedly linked back to publicity stunts, but this is the same network that brought us the Zombie Apocalypse craze and balloon animals. They are crafty, they are experts at concealing their identities and anyone who can wear those shoes and do physical comedy can only be dangerous when cornered. This is a terrifying course of events. I hope that you are all prepared and that everyone takes heed. Don’t smell their flowers, don’t smile at their falls, don’t clap when they throw pies and if they offer you balloons, whether regular or in animal forms, don’t think, don’t pause, just run.

Because as I have told my wife, if a clown comes at you vows mean nothing. That my friends is an every person for themselves situation, and I will sacrifice you to save myself. I have a strong survival instinct people, and if you cover your face with white paint, give yourself a large unrelenting smile and hit yourself with a mallet to make me laugh, in my mind the alert level goes to red, and I punch first, napalm second and shrug when I get in trouble. Be warned clowns, Heather don’t play that game.

My Sochi Rant - Sorry, Will try to make it be the only one...

"Yes, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice."  ~Master Yoda, Episode V Emipre Strikes Back

So, I do try not to be too political or preachy on here – but at the end of the day, as my lovely wife will point out when my rants become slightly too intense, that is what this is for. So, like any good slightly too sure that my beliefs are the right ones person, I will rant here – but I do apologize in advance.

Look, I am not trying to reinvent the wheel here. I get that the XXII Winter Games are underway in Sochi, and I do get that no matter how much I yelled and screamed, they were never going to not be there. That is not the way life works, and blahity blah blah blah I know, I get it, I hear you, I acknowledge the logical and exact arguments and facts. With the disclaimer out of the way –

What the hell. Seriously….SERIOUSLY? How exactly did that decision happen? Flashback to 119^th IOC Session – July 2007 – Guatemala City: Um, I dunno. Let’s not give it to someone who has had it dude, that is so last century…Well man, I don’t know. We need to decide because there are 13 fun zones in Guatemala City I want to explore…Well, does it matter, just pull a name out of a hat…But we want it to seem more important than that…So who are the surviving bids again? UMMMMMM – I dunno, bubba you want to check that out for us?...Oh um, Sochi, Russia; Pyeongchang, South Korea or Salzburg, Austria – And here I interject not a what the hell but a WTF – did you get the bids from your asses, but hey what do I know, I excelled at English and History in school, not political sway and geography, so back to the decision making process – Well, we have to knock it down to two before we can go sight see, so let’s vote. Okay, by overwhelming numbers, Salzburg, Austria is OUTSKI. Yeah, it is a HUGE gem of culture and history. It is even know and has been voted as one of the best-preserved cities. It is FREAKING gorgeous, and gave us Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, not to mention was some of the set for “The Sound of Music.” – Another side note, Original Sound of Music here people, don’t talk to me about any LIVE Carrie Underwood Version – However, Salzburg is just, I dunno, too boring. They will most likely be able to handle the different cultures and beliefs that come with having athletes from ALL OVER THE FREAKING WORLD there for 2 weeks – they are a huge tourist city, no, no, no. They are way too capable. DUDE I KNOW – Russia, they seem like they are totally caught up and over dissolving the USSR and losing the Cold War. Lets reward their often 18^th century mindsets, and the fact that they still think that every poor decision they have ever made as a nation is just damn liberal westerners misinterpreting their close minded and hateful views with international attention – totally where the 2014 Olympics are! Pass the blunt, because we must obviously be very, VERY high.

Then, Putin took office (for an unprecedented and possibly illegal 3^rd longer term) in 2012. He went from officer in the freaking KGB to politician. He took over when Yeltsin resigned in 1999, and became President in 2000, holding the position for 2 consecutive 4 year terms. In 2008, he was made Prime Minister and in 2011, under a new law extending the Presidency to 6 years, he ran again – though there were protests, he won in 2012 and will be in power until 2018. Though many feel that Putin has done many good things domestically (especially financially) for Russia, he has been plagued with scandal since 2000 with the Kursk submarine incident, to allegations of fraud, to the 2002 Moscow theater hostage incident to the Beslan school hostage crisis – hmm, many hostage incidents I see – to being marked by most outside countries and organizations as decidedly undemocratic and very dictator like. With his new term, Putin has made strict anti-LGBTQA laws, faced many protests and shown an alarming alliance between the Kremlin and the Russian Orthodox Church – an unseen alliance level since the days of Russian communism.

Oh and lets please not forget that currently, Russia’s relationship with America is at an all time low since the F***ING COLD WAR. For the first time since 1960, the US pulled out of a summit in response to Russia granting asylum to Edward Snowden. The US feels Russian is guarding nations that are controlled by terrorists or anti-American governments – Syria, Iran, Cuba…and Russia proudly “protects” them from US interference. When Putin and the Russian government confirmed that their new anti-homosexual “propaganda” (really just anti-gay) laws would in fact be in effect for the Olympics, and that they would in fact apply to all domestic and foreign athletes, media and tourists, they seemed to be upset that us damn western nations had an issue with their internal issues – because we like you know not just LGBTQA rights so much as BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS FOR ALL – and seemed to react like a toddler who was just told that you cannot in fact go through life stomping your feet and inconveniencing all around you because you don’t like it. Also, let’s give a hand for the IOC and the way they reacted…that they will completely support Russia in this and will punish any athletes that politically act out against these anti-gay laws, as that is not what the Olympics is about.

Um. What.

So the athletes can’t be political but can be subject to another countries unjust law. Um Okay. Well you live in the land of the oblivious, say hi to Santa, and let me know how Elvis is at his next live concert. Morons.

This is where the IOC is sending the 2014 Winter Olympic Athletes. Excellent. Hey, for the summer Olympics can we just forego the ceremony and give them all guns and say ready SHOOT. Come on. Nothing may happen. I get that. There may not be one violent incident. I will say though that a non incident is not a victory here. I can honestly say that anyone who had to make the choice between not competing in the Olympics – a possibly once in a life time experience – or going and competing in Sochi will not feel that a non incident was a victory.  There are LGBTQ athletes that had to make hard choices, there are LGBTQ allies that had to weigh a decision that never should have been forced upon them. Well done IOC – way to not politicize the games – wait, I forgot, the host city can apparently politicize the games; by not listening to concerns from other countries and participating athletes, by siding with the host country the IOC can politicize the games; by making the choice to support the host city or not the tourists can politicize the games – the only people the IOC can and as they say will punish for politicizing the games are the athletes. The people who are the reason that the IOC have a freaking position at all. The people why tourists go to host cities. The athletes. So to what I am sure will be very few if any athletes that make that stand, you amaze me. You win a medal or not you are the champions to me. I stand next to you on the podium with my metaphorical fist raised as well, as if we were Tommie Smith and John Carlos in the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico City. To the athletes who just go and perform and live out their lifelong dream – I salute you too. I support every athlete who puts it all out there on their respective course, whether it is snow, ice or anything. I wish you all the luck, I hope you all perform how you want to and I pray to all that I hold as holy (so, Joss Whedon, Star Wars, George Lucas, TBBT, paging Dr. Sheldon Cooper) that every single athlete returns home safely, and whether a medal holder or not, with the knowledge that they are an Olympian and that is a selective and awesome club to be in.

So yeah. That is my rant. Will I boycott the Olympics – to be honest I don’t know. I will boycott a good portion of them, but again, my theory is similar to the one I have always held on the “War on Terrorism.” I don’t support the invasion of countries for nonexistent WMD. I do not support the war. But I damn well support the troops. I do NOT, and I cannot stress it enough NOT, support Russia. I think Putin and his Kremlin gremlins, and his alliance with the Orthodox Church are our generations Hitler and the Third Reich. I think this is mimicking 1936 in so many ways I want to hit people over the head with their history books. I think that the IOC is full of political, spineless morons. I feel that not enough people will speak out or step up. I do however support the athletes. Every single one of them. So a full on boycott, I don’t know. Even if I watch, I will not watch silently. I will step up and protest the only way a person on a different continent who is a no body can. I will blog. I will talk. I will be the little activist I have learned to be in my 31 years on this earth. I will do so with the arrogance and security only a lifelong American can. And I will be proud, every time I do. Because I will not sit silently by. I will shout every time you come for someone else – I will be the one there to shout you down every time. I may not be able to change the world myself but I sure as hell will not silently let it pass. So to my friends and family and whatever poor slobs got sucked into this train wreck of a rant and couldn’t get away – I support whatever opinion you have on boycotting or not. Don’t worry – I will be here to tell you what I think for those of you who care. And for those who don’t.

A Little About the Winter Olympics History

On Friday, February 7, 2014 the XXII Winter Olympics will be rung in at the Olympic Stadium in Sochi, Russia. This comes 90 years after the first meet, which now known as I Winter Olympics, was known then as International Winter Sports week in Chamonix, France (the French Alps of course). That kicked off on January 25^th, 1924 with 6 total sports and 14 total events. Being somewhat new, it captured the imagination of spectators and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) held the next one in St. Moritz Switzerland in 1928, dubbing it the Second game of the Winter Olympics. Scandinavians, who had been holding the Nordic Games in Sweden every 4 years since 1901, dominated the Chamonix games, and the United States skated away with a lone medal. The 16 nations that participated were so fond of the event, it led to the IOC planning the St. Moritz Games, and retroactively claiming Chamonix as the madly successful I Games of the Winter Olympiad.

The history of the Winter Games is a rich and somewhat convoluted one. There are 12 countries that have attended every Winter Games held – Austria, Finland, Great Britain, Canada, France, Sweden, Hungary, Poland, Italy, Norway, Switzerland and of course, the United States. Half of them have medaled in each game and the US is the only one that has taken at least 1 gold in every game, included the lone medal it took in the inaugural games of 1924. The countries of Germany and Japan have both been banned from times at the Winter Games, and are the only 2 countries that have. There have also been 2 cancellations of Winter Games, in 1940 and 1944 respectively, both due to WW II. The 1936 games, IV Olympic Winter Games, were held in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Bavaria, Germany, and the 1936 Summer Olympics had been in Berlin, Germany…this was the last year that had both Winter and Summer Games in the same host country, though the 2 year break between games we know now would not take effect until the 1990’s, with the Summer and Olympic games on the same every 4 year cycle.

In 1986 the IOC decided that the Winter and Summer Olympics needed to be put onto separate 4 year cycles. This was for a multitude of reasons, but it was hugely logistical. The cost of putting on an Olympic games is astronomical, for the host city/country, the participating nations, and the athletes and yes for the IOC. It also takes a lot of planning and effort. It also relieves the sponsors and gives more time for bigger packages, and better investment. The construction generally included in an Olympics also takes a lot of time, and this helped hosts to really make plans and execute well, without rushing. It took effect in the early 1990s, with the 1992 Summer games in Barcelona, Spain and the 1992 Winter games in Albertville, France, with the next Winter games to start the new cycle a mere 2 years later in 1994 in Lillehammer, Norway (though more commonly known to most as Kerrigan – Harding grudge match).

Now, I am not going to pretend that I am not an Olympic Geek. I am. I watch the winter and summer Olympics religiously. Ironically, my least favorite part is generally the Figure Skating, though it appears to be almost everyone else favorite and gets oh so much coverage. I am 100% an Olympic watching, any sport is a good sport, gotta love it fan. Little actually research was needed for this piece, as it is part of my ridiculous useless knowledge arsenal. What has the Olympics on my mind however is sadly not the impending Games, the opening ceremony, the excitement or any of that. It is that we are repeating history. In 1936, nations went into Germany for TWO separate games as it was the last year the the Olympics were in the same host city for both. Countries poured in, and no matter what concessions Hitler and the Third Reich made, they were not enough. With what was happening to people being stripped of their rights, persecuted, herded into camps and killed the world went in and said and did nothing. Is that what is going to happen now? Are we as advanced nations going to go into Sochi Russia and say nothing of the way that people are being treated there? Are we going to allow them to classify homosexuals as second class citizens, and even extending their hatred to tourists? All that remains to be seen I guess, and all I can say is I hope not. So my excitement for the Olympics this year is tempered as I am a huge activist for not only Gay Rights but Civil Rights in general. I find it hard to stand by and keep my mouth shut. I just pray others will as well.

Chinese New Year

Since it is still January and since I get sucked into my own quests for knowledge like no other I am going to continue on my last blog touching on the history of New Year. This time, I got to thinking about the Chinese New Year. It is the one different New Year tradition that the majority of people I run into have at least heard of – whether it be to know what year they were born in or the festival surrounding it, this ancient tradition has captured the attention of many people the world over.

Since 1912, China as a country has celebrated the calendar New Year on December 31^st – January 1^st with the majority of the world. The Chinese New Year is not a set calendar date, and is still celebrated today as Spring Festival, starting on the first new moon of the New Year and ending 15 days later on the full moon.  The Chinese New Year is always on a different day, since it is based on a combination of the lunar and solar scheduled movements. This causes an extra month to be added in every few years – the equivalent to our leap years. There is a lot of history and tradition seeped into every aspect of the actual Chinese New Year ceremonies, from religious ceremonies to all of Heaven and Earth to recognizing the ancestors and all their sacrifice (family specific).

The ancestor portion of the ceremonies is usually the most significant, and is celebrated with a feast dedicated to them on the Chinese New Year’s Eve known as weilu (surrounding the stove). This weilu is a symbol of all the current and past generations of a family, and is meant to promote unity and honor within those generations for the upcoming year. Along with the deep traditions and religious implications of the Chinese New Year, there are many rituals and superstitions followed by the culture. For instance, the house should be completely and thoroughly cleaned before New Year’s Day, with all cleaning equipment and materials put away on New Year’s Eve. Then, after, you can sweep the floors beginning at the door, to the middle then to the corners, and not removed until the fifth day of the New Year, and never trampling on the piles. When taken out, it must go out the back door – this is due to an ancient belief that anything going out before this will be sweeping one of the family away, and to take anything out the front is to take away the good fortune or luck of the family.

 Also, at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, every door and window should be open to let the old year leave and the New come. No cursing, no unlucky words should pass your lips, nor should anything about dying, death or ghosts, the past year or crying….as whatever passes will come to you in abundance that year. Do not wash your hair or you wash away good luck, red is a good bright color that is seen to welcome good fortune. Knives or scissors are avoided as they can cut good fortune. There are many more traditions that many may not believe in any longer but that are still done out of the view that these traditions are what connect the past with the present and the future.

The coming Chinese New Year is to begin on January 31, 2014 and the upcoming year is the year of the horse…and that is something that is a blog in and of itself, the year of and etc…so, until next time.

Another New Year - here it is, 2014

Here we are, at the start of another year. It seems to come faster and faster every year. However, being me, I don’t just count down from ten, blow the noise maker, kiss my wife and party it up. Here is how my mind works = what the hell? Why am I blowing a noise maker? Who decided this is when the calendar flips? Why do I care? The kicker is, being me, I am NOT content to shrug and move on. So, though I doubt ANYONE but me has these questions and cares, read on my friends.

The current calendar we use is the Gregorian (AKA Western or Christian) calendar. This is the most used calendar today. It is an adaptation or refinement of the Julian calendar that dates back to 1582. Now, if you were to look at a Julian calendar you would most likely not immediately see a difference. They have the same 12 months, in the same order, and of the same lengths. What then you may ask is the difference? Well, okay, you may not ask that, but again, I did. The difference is that both calendars are actually an approximation of the calendar year, the Julian calendar was simply too long by tenths of time, and actual length of 365.25 days, and the Gregorian calendar is 365.2425 days – a length difference of .002%. Seriously.  The major reason this was done was typical of the day – to correct the celebration of Easter back closer to the spring equinox as was originally decided during the First Council of Nicaea in 325. Under the Julian calendar, Easter continued getting earlier and earlier. The Roman Catholic Church worked to correct this and the Gregorian calendar was born. *Fun Fact – the Julian calendar is currently approximately 13 days behind, since the Gregorian calendar started by skipping 10 actual calendar days to get the vernal equinox back to the March 21 date that worked best for the Church.*

So, here we are, in year 2014 under the Gregorian calendar, still celebrating something that has been going since 2000 B.C. in Mesopotamia. It was really cemented in 42 B.C. by the Romans, who raised Julius Caesar to a deity on January 1^st and honored his reinvented (Julian) calendar after his murder on the senate floor. Now we have a period of remembrance, looking back at the past year, and analyzing every major event. This all culminates in a night of jubilation and partying the world over on what has become to be known as New Years Eve (NYE). On actual January 1^st, there are many traditions, from family to religious to sporting events and parades.

I still am not sure that I get the big party and celebration.  Personally, my celebration comes on (surprise, surprise) Shark Week Eve, but this is where my lives philosophy comes in – to each their own. I want to party before the new Shark Week specials; others want to ring in the coming year. See, how I figure it…I know that Shark Week is going to be good. I will get to see old shows that I love, I will see new documentaries that are enlightening, maybe even a mockumentary I really see no need for but is entertaining. I do not know what the upcoming year will bring, so why ring it in anywhere but in my bed, with pjs ready to go to sleep. The past few years have brought huge changes, from good – marriage, career, volunteering opportunities – to bad – old jobs, fights with family and friends – to horrible – sick parents, debilitating sickness, lasting injuries. And that is how it is. I am not celebrating nor complaining about these things – life happens. Every minute of every day of every week of EVERY YEAR. It is tradition for so many people that I sometimes wonder if anyone else wonders why we litter Rockefeller Center with confetti every December 31^st or if it is so familiar to them, they don’t give it a second thought. For those who love to party it up as one year ends and another begins, I say good for you. It shows an optimism and faith I am not sure I have ever truly been able to muster up, and therefore a part of me is jealous of it. Rock on whether you are an optimist who waits for midnight with bated breath or one who does not care at all and just rolls over to spend it like you would any late night – these are the differences that make life interesting, right?

Back from Life Time Out

So, first off, I am trying to get back into this. I know I haven’t written in almost 6 months – life got crazy. I got a job that I love, but of which I skipped about 4 rungs from no responsibility to lots, and it took some adjustment. Also, with birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, injuries, etcetera, life got away from me and taking the time to write was so not in the cards. Life is starting to calm down however, and I am slowly getting back into some of the things that I let slide before.

I am reiterating – there is no theme to this blog. The one constant will be that my thoughts and interests are everywhere, and so this will be. There will be some constants – Star Wars, happy geek things, sports and the Annual Holy Shark Week Celebration. Other than that, I have no clue where my mind will take it in any kind of pattern.

I stand by what I said in my first blog. I am not a “professional writer” and you will often see a lack of polish and finish. Also, I am not unaware of the fact that I am a tad strange, and that some of my rants or as I like to think of them “flows of thoughts” are also strange. I also see the validity in my wife’s most common phrase, that she really wishes she could “YouTube this shit” so people could understand what she is subject to listening to on a daily and nightly basis. However dear (if you are actually bothering to read this one…;-p) as I often remind you – you put a ring on it, you have to listen to it.

So again, buckle up my family, friends and any poor reader who clicked on any of these links hoping it was actually knowledgeable. Welcome to a small taste of the brain and thoughts of Heather…I promise no one will get hurt, yet make no such assurances on confusion issues…

IT’S A WRAP SHARK WEEK – UNTIL NEXT YEAR…SHARK WEEK 2014 – NATIONAL HOLIDAY??

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

                        With the beginning of my happy time comes the knowledge that in a few days time, shark week will be over for the year. I always enjoy the programming, but every year I have a worse feeling that the true essence of what shark week once was is disappearing. 26-years ago, this was a week of what it set out to be – using the popularity of television and channels like the Discovery Channel to bring attention to the most misunderstood, scapegoated animals roaming – technically swimming – the planet today. Over time, there have been many changes to the weeklong programming, which incidentally is considered the longest running cable programming with 26 consecutive years having it.

            For 16 years Shark Week was aired with no host from 1987-2003, and for some reason the Discovery Channel decided that in 2004 they needed to remedy this. In 2004, the cast of American Chopper hosted, and then in 2005 the hosts continued up to this year. From 2005-2009 the hosts were the popular faces of the Discovery Channel, then in 2010 it all kind of went to hell. That was the year when there was no need to be a scientist at all to host shark week, with late night talk show host/actor Craig Ferguson taking the helm. Discovery Channel stayed with funny men, and in 2011 it was Andy Samberg, 2012 brought Philip DeFranco – online journalist, social media icon and this year we had comedian/actor Josh Wolf as our Shark Week Captain. Okay. I do not truly know why they ever introduced a “host.” I did not mind so much when it was the MythBusters, Les Stroud (Survivorman) or even Mike Rowe who had some kind of connection to Discovery Channel and added to the programming. I can almost give them this year, as Josh Wolf showed an enthusiasm that led to high ratings and interesting conversation on the new addition Shark After Dark a late night talk show that blew away the competition this week.

                New additions are nothing new to shark week. Every year they save the primetime rating hours (generally 8 PM – 11 PM) for their new shark programming. Every year they have about 5 – 7 new shows that they premiere to the devoted and often outspoken shark week fans, and yes, in that description me is included. More and more though, I have noticed that they are getting away from the shows that drew me in to begin with. I am not quite sure when shark week turned into Great White and a few other more well known Sharks Week but it does appear to have. There are few exceptions lately, and especially this year. I will give you that the above mentioned Shark After Dark was quite enjoyable. I will also say that I enjoyed Air Jaws: Beyond the Breach, but it was not as good as Alien Monster Sharks, Spawn of Jaws and Return of Jaws. For new programming, that was about it.

I am a huge Air Jaws but this behind the scenes look seemed to be just an attempt to fill a time slot with the progression of the scientist team over the years – but we have seen them, we know who Chris Fallows and Jeff Kurr are. I am excited to know they have a show coming next year, searching for Colossus who was introduced in last year’s Air Jaws. We have seen them get shot after shot people told them they never would – their shows depict the Great White as an apex predator, and not as a Great White Serial Killer – do NOT get me started. The rest – please. Great Whites are starting to target and hunt humans? Voodoo Sharks had potential had they gone with the Bull Shark science, but instead they chose to follow the people hunting down the non-existent giant mutation of Bull Sharks and I couldn’t even make it through it. The updated Shark Countdown was ridiculous and seemed an attempt to throw some new names out there and have some kitchiness going on. AND OH THE GREAT WHITES.  

Is Discovery Channel aware that there are other sharks? Not just the Bull, Tiger, Sand Tiger and Hammer Head, but Blues, Whale Sharks, All Reef Sharks?? How about more on the deep water sharks, or some specials on those who hunt the sharks and why? Instead of some REALLY STUPID AND NOT WELL DONE mockumentary – I mean, did you see those special effects? – how about an expose on Finning or sports hunters. That is really all I can say on that. That mockumentary was a disgrace, and defending it by saying well, you know, maybe Megalodon is out there, it’s a big ocean is UNFORGIVEABLE. With the seriously just flashed disclaimers that showed for seconds at most, people believed that show. They thought that this was a documentary presenting real evidence and there is no excuse allowable for Discovery not making the truth clear before the show, going to and coming back from each commercial break and at the end. Despicable.

I get that the attack shows and the Great Whites draw people that are not geeks, shark enthusiasts and science aficionados in for ratings but for some of what happened this year…wow. I will vote for more Shark After Dark, and even I enjoyed good old Bob the Shark and who could not get into the Snuffy promos. Shark enthusiast, including myself, can only hope that Discovery Channel takes a look at their programming and realize that when you are presenting this information to the public as a whole, they take it as their shark knowledge and run with it. Most people aren’t like me and my fellow sheeks (yup, that is how I refer to us shark geeks, you know you love it). They won’t go out and learn about sharks on their own. They aren’t going to research the details, or study the history. They don’t want to; they trust the Discovery Channel to present them with the actual facts, not theories, skewed views and outright lying mockups. So yes, I still love me some Shark Week, and can NOT wait for Shark Week 2014, I just hope that there is a return to basics somewhere in the future.

MY OH MY THE SHARKS, THE FINAL- I SWEAR

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

The main event now – the number one coolest shark according to yours truly. The Tiger Shark. This species is literally in a class itself, being the only species in the Galeocerdo genus. Overall picture, yes another requiem shark, though this shark is not viviparous, it is again the ONLY one in its class that is in fact ovoviviparous – though, I do have to admit the only real difference between viviparous and ovoviviparous is that in viviparous animals there is a placental connection and there is not in ovoviviparous, the unborn getting their nourishment instead from the yolk in their eggs. Female Tigers only mate every 3 years, generally in the months of March-May. The pups will gestate inside for up to 16 months. Again the females are often larger than the males; average length of the males is around 14 feet and 15 for the females.

They have a smaller body type than most of its rivals, with a very slim and straight-line design. They have bluish/greenish skin with a yellow or white belly. This is a great hunting advantage, as prey below the sharks will not see them when looking up. They of course have the dark stripes/spots running down their body that gives them their name; however these do fade with age. Tigers also have a smaller, wedge like head/snout, which makes turning easier for them, and have many sensory organs in their snouts and down their flanks to pick up the minutest of vibrations in the water, making them dangerous hunters since they can stay completely hidden in the dark. The Tiger Shark hunts alone, mainly at night. They are found in temperate or tropical waters, often in the central Pacific. This is a five gill shark, with 2 dorsal fins, and nictitating membranes to protect the eyes. They seem to have no real depth presence and have been recorded in water from 10 feet deep to depths of 3,000 feet.

Tigers are known for their ability and preference to eat ANYTHING from tiny fish to sea turtles – which seem to be a preference for adults. They also go after dolphins, to the point that science has evidence of dolphins avoiding areas with high Tiger Shark Populations. They are known to scavenge corpses of whales, and will actually join together to attack a whale in distress. These sharks are the epitome of the apex predator with their enhanced eyesight, sense of smell and sensory abilities. Since they have such highly developed hunting skills it is amazing that they have such a scavenger reputation that they are known in many circles as “wastebaskets of the sea.” Whether the water is clear or not, they will know exactly where their potential prey is located, and go forward with powerful bursts from their tail. They circle their potential victim, bumping it with their highly sensitive snout to investigate it – and when they are satisfied, they often take their prey whole. For larger victims it may take a few large bites. The Tiger is like a garbage disposal, and when cut open anything can be found in the stomach, from fish and turtles to horses, cats, and even rats to inanimate things like license plates, baseballs, and any other item the shark thought might be tasty. Though they like to swim lazily, barely moving their tail, they are actually quite good sprint swimmers and known as some of the strongest swimmers in the oceans.

This magnificent species has much lore around it, most notably in the Hawaiian culture. The Tiger Shark is known in Hawaii as one of their nā ʻaumākua – which is their version of a family God or deified ancestor. This type of God exists in many cultures, and is believed to be a deity or spirit that protects at least certain members of the family if not the family in a whole. It can also be tied back to the popular Hawaiian myth of Ka-moho-aliʻi who was located in the region of the waters between Maui and Kahoolawe. Mainly, when a ship was lost at sea, Ka-moho-aliʻi shook his tail in front of the lost and they would not only be feed, but also guided home. This God is often credited with being the one to bring the first citizens of Hawaii there.

There you have it. The number one, apex, best shark of the lot. I am sorry if your shark did not make my cut, but there you have it. Of course, this list is simply knowledge gathered after hearing something on a Shark Week show that piqued my interest and caused me to investigate something further. No science, nothing but my opinion and my reasoning’s. I welcome point counter point in the comments, because agree with the top ten or not you have to admit that as long as you have an opinion, the sharks may yet be saved. The Tiger, my favorite apex predator is also on the Nearly Threatened List. So many of these magnificent creatures are Nearly Threatened or at the beginning of actual Endangerment because of foolish reasons. Sport hunting the sharks, or commercial fisheries going after them for teeth, jaws, leather for shoes and belts, use in cosmetics.  They are also used in cancer research projects, but since the parts we need to use wouldn’t let them survive, they are killed for this too. Let’s not forget about Shark-Fin-Soup. This may be considered a delicacy in some lands, but most can agree it is a tasteless soup that is made to impress people not for gourmet reasons. For the sharks that are killed for Finning – the fin is less than 4% of their body weight. After they are removed the sharks are generally thrown back to die. Over 100 different species of the 450 known shark species are seen as being endangered since their long term survival can no longer be foreseen, and more on the Nearly Threatened List. For creatures directly designed from the “sea monsters” of the prehistoric era, the only true danger that they have faced is human kind – and we cry about them being killing machines, make movies depicting them as vicious, mindless killers. Irony at the highest level.

MY OH MY THE SHARKS (FINALLY 5-2), BA DUM, BA DUMP, BA DA BA DA DUH DA DAH OR YOU KNOW, HOWEVER THE JAWS THEME LOOKS WRITTEN OUT IN YOUR HEAD…

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

                        Wow do I suck with the being timely on the blog…my bad, sorry sorry. So, here we have it. I know you have been waiting with baited (ha, cheesey pun totally intended) breath. It is the top FIVE hcmarlette favorite apex predators of the deep. I can say that yes, the main 3 are in here, but I am thinking you may not be able to correctly guess # 1 shark in my majorly scientific and professional countdown. On the coolness of sharks. Okay, maybe not scientific, but you have to give me entertaining…

                        Coming in at number 5 is the singular most distinctive looking shark, the hammerhead. I mean, come on – even without any further information I am right here, it is a top 5 shark. Right now, you can picture it. You see the EXACT shape of its head. These sharks can be seen to be in large schools during the day – and these are massively large schools. They will often break off to be solitary hunters during the night hours. They are located largely in the Southern and Eastern African waters, but also have been confirmed to have large populations near Costa Rica, Columbia and Hawaii. They range from 3 feet to 20 feet long, and weight goes up correspondingly from 6.6 to 1,300 pounds. The feature of this shark that gives it its name is of course the "hammer" shape head that is more commonly known as the cephalofoil. This elongated head is believed to have many evolutionary techniques behind its shaping (thought you may be missing the cheesey illusions…) but the major and latest popular theory is this came to be to give the shark the 360 degree field of vision it has with its eyes located on the sides of the hammer head – though I think it is more anvil shaped. The trade off – disproportionally small mouths, causing the sharks to mainly be bottom feeders. The mating process can seem violent as it mainly consists of the male following and biting the female harder and harder until the female always copulation. Recently there has been some evidence of asexual reproduction possibilities.

                        Number 4 on the bad ass list of sharks is the Blacktip Shark – not the Blacktip Reef Shark guys, the Blacktip Shark. This is a truly stunning shark to look at. It has a combination of many of the typical shark characteristics, like a long nose/snout, a short, stout body the long gills the gray body and white stomach. They also of course have black tips on some if not all the fins, from the pectoral to the dorsal to the pelvic and on. It may give this shark the appearance of being outlined, and draws attention to the muscular body. This is a requiem, viviparous shark that can differ so much within the species there is no true average size of groups that they travel in, however it is believed they are generally in groups. They generally will be in the range of around 5 feet. The females give birth every other year, to anywhere from 1 to up to 10 pups, who live in a nursery in their youth, in shallow, calm waters. Often these grown females will return to give birth in the nursery they grew up in…which is, in my humble opinion, incredibly endearing. If caught in a situation lacking males, the females can reproduce asexually. These sharks are quite quick, but are known to be milder for requiem sharks, only becoming aggressive if they feel their food is threatened which has caused them to be classified as slightly more dangerous to humans in their presence, and have a number of reported attacks. They are on the Nearly Threatened List as well as most on my countdown, as they are popular query amongst commercial and recreational fisheries. The coolest feature of these fish is their trademark spin jump for fish skimming the surface that shows off the beauty of those black tips as well as the strength of this sea creature.

                        BA DUM, BA DUMP, BA DA BA DA DUH DA DAH. Yes. At number 3, not one so HA, at number 3 is Brucie boy himself – Mr. Jaws. Although, the story that Peter Benchley based that on actually occurred more in Jersey and is believed to have been a Bull Shark – who is still to come on the list – but ya know, it’s a cool transition. That is right. Number 3 is the Great White Shark. That is not white. It is grey. It has a white underbelly. Again, The Great White Underbelly, not the same appeal, nor effect. So, the Great White is of course mainly known world over due to its size, made legendary in Benchley’s novel and the movie adaptation, which is much larger than reality – though achieving lengths upwards of 20 feet this is actually quite rare, yet with an average length of 15 feet there are no shrimps in this species... This shark’s first known fossils are approximately 16 million years old and is believed to be the direct descendant of prehistoric sharks. The shark lives all over, with large concentrations in California, Hawaii, and Australia (Southern) and of course South Africa, namely Seal Island where we were introduced to Air Jaws. This shark is deadly if it attacks, with the force of an average 20 foot long specimen displaying a bite force of 4,000 pounds of pressure. However, little is known about these sharks, as they tend to be illusive to scientists. They more than any shark, for obvious reasons (re: Jaws – novel, movie and sadly sequels) this shark above all others have a reputation of being a “man eater.” The number of shark attacks and deaths resulting from said attacks is way too low to lend any type of credence to this theory. Great Whites do not seem to target humans, and often the attacks are a result of mistaken identity, the shark thinking the diver or person on the surface is some other fish or hopefully (to the shark) a seal. Often, as long as not caught alone, after the first exploratory bite that the Great White gives, a diver (or swimmer) can be saved as the shark turns to come back, or swims off completely. They do not survive long in captivity, usually dying or being released due to poor health within a year, and never achieving its great size potential. When you hear me say that sharks are simply insanely misunderstood creatures, these Great Whites are generally the species that I have in mind. I mean, they have the nick name of white death. They have a bad rap. Trust me; the evidence proves they are a scape goat for –

                         The Bull Shark. Number 2 on Heather’s Sharktastic list. These sharks are nasty (WARNING SWEAR WORD COMING) bastards. There is literally no other way to describe them. They are called the Bull shark (most popular name, they have others) due to their short stockiness, flat snout and their crazy unpredictable behavior. As I said, Bull Shark is the most typical name but due to their wide spread locations they have many names. They are most likely going to be the ones responsible for shallow water attacks, and it is believed that the number of attacks is much higher than reported, as other species get the finger pointed at them. They are vicious creatures who have the ability to survive in fresh as well as salt water. I would love to explain how, but I am not in fact that scientifically minded. I know it has to do with the way their gills filter the water and the chemicals in their blood adjust. They do not require much depth, the deepest it generally dives is barely to 500 feet, and prefers to swim at a 30-50 foot range. That’s what I have. They can be anywhere from 2.5 feet to over 7 feet in length, and up to 700 pounds. They have a bite of up to 1,300 pounds of pressure. The females tend to be larger than the males. These sharks do not play nice with others, being very solitary hunters, sometimes going up to hunt in pairs, never more. They are nasty, and will attack not only if they feel threatened, but if they feel another is encroaching on their territory. They are also viviparous giving birth to a few live pups after a 12 month gestation period, and are one of the species believed to become aggressive in the womb with the dominant pups attacking and eating the others before birth. These ferocious apex predators have no true predatory threat as they do not back down from fights and are larger than many of their fellows. Though some diehards still cling to the rouge Great White Theory, most in the scientific community blame this species for the 1916 attacks that inspired Peter Benchley, due to the attacks that occurred in salt and fresh water, and mainly in shallow areas. This species is also on the Near Threatened list due to the long gestation and low birth rate mixed with human predatory hunting.             

                 Since I have gotten this to be lengthy somehow I have to withhold the number one Heather Shark. I know, there are tears, perhaps a few broken hearts. It is coming I promise – and it is already half written so it shouldn’t even take as long!! Really no promises though.

MY OH MY THE SHARKS (AT LEAST 10-6), TO QUOTE THE GREAT MR. JOSS WHEDON – GRR, ARGH

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

                Okay, so no, sharks do not grr nor do they argh – but if I can bring it back to Joss Whedon, and by extension Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I will. Every time – so, I guess warning blog readers, warning. Any way in today’s Shark Week tribute blog, I intend to kind of go over the different types of more well-known sharks to show you that they really are just animals that do what they do, no need to be scared. They are truly just doing what is in their nature to do, and they are not hunting human kind, no “man-eating” killer sharks here. I do have to give another disclosure – these are my personal favorite species of sharks. I have researched and know these sharks as they are the ones that interest me the most. Disclosure – I am not a shark expert and these are the facts I know to be true and am always welcome to scientific correction. The ranking of sharks is my opinion ONLY.

                Number 10 on my list is the gigantic yet graceful Whale Shark. The Whale Shark is a filter feeding (feeds from straining water for food particles/matter) fish that grows to enormous length, the average being 31.82 feet and 9 tons– the largest recorded at 41.50 feet and 21.5 tons, though many have claimed to have seen larger. This shark enjoys warmer or tropical waters, and as far as science knows lives for about 70 years. Though they have been known mainly as filter feeders, there is some documentation of them feeding on small schools of fish, or in the area where fish have spawned. It is a five gill shark, with 300-350 sharp rows of small teeth. The shark has a grey body, white stomach and trademark yellow spots and stripes.  The Whale Shark is an active feeder. This gentle giant does not appear to pose any harm to divers at all, and many divers report having been able to “catch a ride” on them – though, responsibility screams at me to mention that the shark scientific community majorly warns against this. Breeding and birthing are pretty un-known, though it is believed that they give birth to a pup, not lay eggs.

                Number 9 is the Pacific Angelshark – which is shock of all shocks, a subspecies of the angel shark that is found in the Pacific Ocean. How do you like my investigative skills now, what, WHAT?? It is mainly the Eastern Pacific, This is a small shark, averaging about 5 feet, and they have the same characteristic Angel Shark features, the flat body and large pectoral and pelvic fins. They are ambush predators who target their victims by sight, concealing themselves on the ocean floor and attacking squid and spiny fish that venture close enough. Most stay in a hunting spot up to several days. They are largely nocturnal creatures, staying buried under the sea floor in the day. They are mainly solo creatures and they are what are known as viviparous breeders, having up to 6 pups at a time. They are not necessarily dangerous to mankind, unless provoked which can result in a major and painful bite. Sadly they are classified as a Near Threatened species, since their meat is much sought after and are hunted by professionals and sportsman.

                Next up at number 8 is the Silvertip Shark. This is a larger shark that can be easily identified by the white marks around the edge of its fin. It is found in both the Indian and Pacific Oceans, and can attain an average length of 10 feet. It is often spotted near coral reefs and near offshore islands, and can dive to depths as deep as 2,600 feet. They are also viviparous breeders, having up to 11 pups at a time, always in the summer season. They are a fierce predator that reigns over smaller fish and other requiem (live bearing, warm/fresh/brackish water, migratory) sharks similar in size, and often have scarred bodies to reflect their confrontational nature. They are not scared of humans, and since they are confrontational in nature, they are categorized as a threat to humans since they have no fear and often come close to divers. They are a huge target for hunters, as every part of them is coveted from their jaws/teeth to their fins to their meat. They join our friend the Pacific Angelshark on the Near Threatened Species list due to this.

                Give it up for the requiem sharks – cruising in at Number 7 on this very scientific list is the Grey Reef Shark. It has the typical reef shark features with a short and round snout and big eyes. They are fast swimmers, and the most common reef shark in Indo-Pacific region. They will always be found in the shallow water before the coral reef drop-offs (I know, again with my investigative skills…) and are actually quite small for sharks, average length attained is usually a little over 6 feet. What they lack in length these lovely sharks make up with in aggression. Being ironic, they are not territorial creatures, but quite social, often hanging out in groups of as up to as many as 20 in daylight, and breaking off to individual hunting routines at night. They too are viviparous (realizing at this point I have not explained that well, it is simply a creature that sustains an embryo or embryos through a placental connection) giving birth from 1 to 6 pups every other year. They were one of the first and most definitive species to go through what is known as the threat display – hunching their posture, dropping their pectoral fins and swimming side to side. They are seen as dangerous to divers, and you should watch for their tell-tale threat display if around them. Since they are suspect to commercial fisheries combined with their slow and low reproduction rates, they too are on the Near Threatened Species lists…are you seeing a trend?

                Sprint swimming into Number 6 is the beautiful Blue Shark There is nary a better shark to leave today’s blog with - and I do need to leave you wanting to come back for 5-1, right? They are of course a requiem shark, viviparous delivering large broods of 25-100 pups at a time and live for about 20 years to the best of our knowledge. They segregate into sexually specified schools also grouped by size, and have been called the “wolves” of the sea. They prefer cooler water and migrate large distances. Males range from 6 feet to 9 feet, and the female is larger at 7 feet to 11 feet, males reaching maturity at 4-5 years old, and females at 5-6 years old. Adult Blues do not have major predators outside of killer whales, while younger ones can fall victim to other sharks as well. They are typically slow moving and slightly lethargic, but can have great bursts of speed. They are not seen as hugely dangerous to mankind, with only a recorded 13 attacks on record, and 4 fatalities. They cannot be found on any lists and though upwards of 10 to maybe 20 million of them a year are recorded as hunted by humans, but their flesh though edible is not widely sought after, though they are sometimes sought after for sportsman due to their beauty and speed. They do not do well in captivity usually dying within 30 days – so let’s leave them in their natural habitat, please

                There you go…numbers 10-6 on Heather’s list of rocking sharks…trust me, you want to tune in tomorrow when I will let you know the awesomeness of the top 5 sharks according to Heather…trust me there is no science here at all, so if you want to see something interesting, I would keep tuned…

               

                                                                               

MY HAPPY WEEK

BY HEATHER MARLETTE

                Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It is here. It is my happiest week of the year. There can be no substitution for this time of the year. Shark Week. It is a full week on the Discovery Channel of Great Whites, Tigers, Blues, Angels, Hammer Heads, and the Bull. It is almost like a time to see old friends on the television – catch up with what is happening with them.  I have to also say, don’t give me any Sharknado crap. I haven’t seen it, I won’t see it and it has nothing to do with Shark Week. It is yet another cheesy camp movie trying to use these apex predators to their advantage, playing on the base fear that exists in the human race of the unknown – a word that describes sharks pretty perfectly.

                Don’t get me wrong, the Discovery channel walks a fine, FINE line about using that base fear to draw viewers in and show how sharks are truly creatures that deserve to be respected and protected. What gets them viewers are definitely the shows like Air Jaws, Air Jaws 2, Ultimate Air Jaws, and the various countdowns of attacks, bites and “most dangerous” sharks. It is a gimmick however, if you see that once you flip to watch those shows, you get sucked in to listen and watch the shows that reflect the fact that sharks are millions of years old and that over time have evolved into the apex predators and creatures that they are. When I say millions of years, of course that is an understatement as it is believed these creatures came to be in between 455 – 425 MILLION years ago, putting sharks as one of the first creatures evolved past bacteria on earth – predating even the mighty dinosaurs. It is believed that over the ages they evolved, and having survived all 5 major extinction events, that shaped the modern shark that is believed to have been perfected at the end of Cretaceous period as the Dinosaurs died out around 65 million years ago.

                Some of these species still thrive today, mainly in deep waters. Of course, the shark that gets all the hype – the one that everyone thinks of when you say the name, is the Great White. The Great White is actually a young one, having only appeared on the fossil record 11 million years ago – though only the modern version, traces of them can be seen and traced back to the Cretaceous. The major shark that is extinct and has been buzzed about a lot over the past few years is Megladon, who many say have to have been the predecessor to the White. This is of course thought in most circles to be inaccurate – they in fact seemed to have co-existed for about 10 million years and avoided each other, the White in cooler water feeding off of seals and Megladon, who could grow up to 50 feet, in warmer waters feeding on the whale.  Hammerheads as a complete species are the babies of the shark family, first bursting onto the scene no longer than 50 million years ago.

                When you look at the dates, it is easy to see why sharks have evolved into what many call the perfect or apex predator.  At the end of the day however, sharks are literally just living their lives, doing what they came to do. They are major players in keeping the oceans ecosystems balanced. They are the perfect predator, but have thrived for 450 million years in the perfect environment, ruling the seas due to a lack of a natural predator. That is all changing now. Man has burst onto the scene as the predator that can wipe out these beautiful creatures who rule the sea. I fear what will happen if mankind allows its need to be master of all creatures to win, if we wipe out these magnificent beasts. I joke all the time about sharks just being misunderstood creatures, but a huge part of me is serious as well.  This week, I intend to use my blog as a little bit of a soapbox. I will be posting about sharks and trust me when I tell you, I am as pro-shark as I am pro-choice. Please flip to Discovery channel, and watch how these creatures want nothing from us but to be left alone.